Suppose you'll never know
by janedoe88
Summary: Meredith's leaving her old life behind to begin a new one. Chapter 22 now up! COMPLETE! please R&R.
1. crash landing

'Meredith!' that was the last thing she heard him say as she sped out of the parking lot. Meredith couldn't suppress the tears streaming down her cheeks as she thought about Derek. _How could I have been so stupid_, she thought bitterly, _of course he'd choose her, she's his wife. Why did I have to say 'Pick me, choose me, love me' I'm such an idiot!_..._An idiot in love._

Meredith was too busy mentally beating her self up she didn't notice the red light. She turned at the last minute to see an SUV coming toward her.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Izzie, Christina and George were all ready to head home for a solid four hour sleep before they started their morning rounds just as Dr. Bailey paged all three of them.

"Uh! I just want to sleep." groaned Christina as she read her pager. "Why me? She's doing this to spite me you know."

"Then she obviously wants to spite all three of us 'cause George and I got paged to."

"This better be good." muttered George as they headed off to see what Bailey wanted to torture them with now.

"Where have you three been? I've been trying to get you for the last half hour!"

They all mumbled inaudibly at the same time.

"No time for excuses, there's a seven car pile up coming through, get to work."

"What about Meredith? Why hasn't she been called in?" asked Christina.

"I've been trying to get her too but she hasn't been responding. Yang, you're scrubbing in for Dr. Burk in OR 3, O'Malley..."

"Wait, did you say Burke? Can I have another patient?"

"No you may not. O'Malley, Stevens, you're in OR 1 scrubbing in for Dr. Shepherd, the male one." she added just in case. And with that she stormed off.

Izzie and George headed off to Dr. Shepherd while Christina went to Burke.

As Izzie and George got to OR 3 Alex stepped in front of them.

"Get out of the way Alex." George said as he tried push past him.

"Hold on a sec O'Malley, just listen to me before you head in there."

"No, 'cause I know what you're going to do, you're going tell us some bogus story and then steal our patient."

"George settle down. Alex what do want?" Izzie asked turning to Alex.

"I just want to warn you guys..."

"See!" yelled George cutting Alex off, "here he comes with the story, listen next time you want to steal one of our patients we'll let you know. Come on Izzie."

"Izzie..." yelled Alex but she'd already gone in.

"Oh my god." Gasped Izzie as she saw her friend stretched out on the gurney unconscious with blood all over her.

"Mer...Mer...is that who I th...think it is?" stuttered George.

"Alright, O'Malley, Stevens, what do we have here?" Dr Shepherd asked as entered the room not looking up.

"Um...patient has a GCS of 3, damage to the kidneys and a blow to the head causing a blood clot in the brain. Immediate surgery required." Izzie painfully explained.

"Let's have a look then shall we." Derek looked at the woman in front of him and immediately lost all sense of what was going on around him.


	2. life on the line

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything unfortunately **

"Dr Shepherd shall we proceed?" asked a nurse. He didn't respond. "Dr Shepherd? Are you alright doctor?"

"What, oh yeah, prep for surgery everyone, we have to stop the blood clot before it grows any bigger." Derek ordered coming out of his daze.

"Dr Shepherd, are you sure you can do this surgery?" asked the nurse.

"I'm the best neurosurgeon we have aren't I? Izzie, George up here with me." Izzie and George walked speechlessly to Derek.

"Listen," Derek whispered to them, "if you don't want to do this I'll understand. I can clear you both."

"No, we can do it. Can't we George?" Izzie replied turning to George.

"Um, sure, we're staying."

"Good, then I'll need you, Izzie to locate the clot and you George to help me remove it." Derek knew he sounded composed on the outside but in the inside he was shaking like hell, not wanting to think of what would happen if she didn't pull through. _You've done this type of procedure a hundred times, pull yourself together and do it._ He thought to himself.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

"Has anyone seen Grey yet?" Bailey yelled over the commotion. "Boy, when I get my hands on her..."

"Dr. Bailey..." Alex started but she cut him off.

"What is it now Karev? If Dr Burke doesn't want you for surgery that's your problem not mine. Now shoo!"

"Doctor this isn't about that, It's about Meredith, she was in the middle of the crash, she's in the operating room." As Alex told Bailey this Christina had just walked by and heard the whole thing. She stood motionless, not knowing what to do. She needed to see Meredith, see if she was alright.

"Dr Bailey, I need to see Meredith." Christina asked

"Yang, if you go anywhere near that surgery I will personally make sure you will not see the inside of an OR for a month."

"But..."

"No. No buts. I'm not doing this to be cruel, I'm doing this for Meredith's sake. No go back to Burke for the last time!"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Derek Shepherd tried to think about a life without Meredith as he washed up. He couldn't,no he wouldn't because she was going to be alright, she was going to wake up and when she does he'll be there holding her hand.

**Thanks for the reviews! I'll try and update as soon as possible. **


	3. dreaming

Derek paced back and forward in front of the room Meredith was recovering in.

Just then a nurse stepped out of the room and started toward Derek. "Dr Shepherd, I told you we will let you know when she wakes up. Go get some rest, you look terrible."

"Can I just see her."

"No doctor, I'm afraid that would be inappropriate. Don't you have a wife to go to?"

"Not anymore" muttered Derek as he walked away. He realized as he was staring over Meredith's body in the OR he had made a big mistake choosing Addison. He had done what he thought would be the noble thing to do, the easy thing to do, but in the end it was hardest thing he'd ever done in his life. And he was sorry that this is what it took to make him realize Meredith was the love of his life.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Cristina, George and Izzie all sat next to Meredith's bed, watching her sleep, waiting for her to wake up.

"Do you think she'll pull through?" George asked no one in particular.

Christina whispered, "I've never felt so...so..."

"Devastated" Izzie offered.

"Lost" George added.

"Helpless." They all agreed in silence. "I've always had everything under control and know what to do next. But I don't anymore, I don't know what to do. I've never felt this way before." said Cristina.

"I never knew what would happen next when I was a kid. Life was so unpredictable moving from one trailer park to another, avoiding my father. But not being able to tell if Meredith will be alright, it's definitely one of the hardest things I've had to deal with, especially after operating on her. I know it's not true but I feel that if she doesn't make it, it will be all my fault." Izzie said bursting into tears.

George held her, his tear falling into her hair. "Don't say that Izzie, and she will make it, she's strong, she can do it." George comforted.

"What if she doesn't want to wake up? What if she thinks there's nothing worth waking up for." They all sat in silence dreading the words Cristina had said, thinking the same thing.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_I lay next to Derek's warm body as he slept. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have found someone who loved me as much as I loved him. Derek stirred next to me waking up. He turned and looked deeply into my eyes. "I love you." he whispered. I kissed him lightly on the lips in reply. "We should really get ready now." I nodded not wanting to move from his warm embrace, I could stay like this forever. He got out and walked to the other side of his trailer looking for his clothes. I watched him as he got dressed. He was gorgeous and he was mine. "Come on up you get or we'll have to go back to staying at your place." He grinned. He knew I got embarrassed when Izzie and George comment on how loud we are, but who can blame me? He was McDreamy. Then the unspeakable happened. Addison walked in and started kissing Derek and he was kissing her back! All of a sudden my chest felt tight and I couldn't breathe. The room started to go blurry as I thrashed around trying to breathe in. "Help!" I gasped, "Help me!" and then everything went black._

**Hope you like please review and I'll update. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far.**


	4. code blue

"Code blue! Code blue!" Cristina yelled as her friend suddenly came to life having heart palpitations and gasping for life. "Shit! Izzie, go get Bailey! Now!" she added as Izzie just stood there rooted to the spot not knowing what to do.

George scrambled for the oxygen mask as he watched Meredith fighting for air. "We're losing her! Somebody get me the defribulator." George demanded,

Five nurses had responded to the call and all went to work at once as George headed the operation. Izzie and Cristina stood back to watch George take control, too shocked to move. George rubbed the paddles together, "One!" he yelled pressing the paddles to her chest. No response. "Two! Come on, we need more juice!"

"Dr. O'Malley, it's not working, she's not responding." a nurse replied.

"She will, I know she will." George whispered placing the paddles to her chest again. "THREE!"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Why didn't anybody page me!" Derek yelled at Bailey as they ran to Meredith's room.

"No one paged me either Shepherd." Bailey responded reaching her room. "Yang, what happened?"

"George..." she replied not knowing what else to say.

"O'Malley, care to explain?" Bailey asked cocking one eyebrow.

"I...I...um...I just..."

"Saved Meredith's life." Izzie explained admiringly. "She went into cardiac arrest and George brought her back."

"Congratulations, O'Malley." Bailey didn't know what else to say.

"Is-is she awake?" Derek asked.

"Not at the moment but she will be eventually. Dr. Shepherd are you alright? You look a little pale." Izzie stated.

"No, no I'm fine. I'm great. Could i just have a bit of privacy for a minute?"

"Shepherd..." warned Bailey but he cut her off.

"Miranda please? My heart stopped three times on the way here. I just want to see her."

Bailey looked at Derek for a while then turned to the rest, "Okay, let's go everyone. Yang, Stevens good work. George, you're coming with me." everyone left silently taking one last look at Derek standing beside Meredith's bed, holding her hand.

**Sorry it's so short. I'm going away for a bit so I won't be able to update for a couple of days but I promise I will when I get back. By the way for anyone who didn't understand the last part of** **my last chapter that was Meredith's dream. See ya soon.**


	5. unexpected guest

Derek sat next to Meredith watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful. He spoke to her quietly holding her hand. "Meredith, I know you can't hear me but I want to tell you how much I love you and that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I'm so sorry I chose Addison. I took the easiest way out, the cowards way and I regret it everyday. I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I know you'll think it's too late but I signed the divorce papers. I'm free...we're free. I'm just asking for one more chance. Please Meredith, wake up. He lent down and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Meredith?"

Derek turned to see who had spoken. A man stood in the doorway. He was younger than him, about Meredith's age and had a sad and worried look painted on his face.

"Are you her doctor?" he asked.

"Uh...yes. Yes I'm Dr Shepherd" Derek replied getting up and extending his hand. "Do you know Mer-Dr. Grey?"

"I'm her ex-fiance."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Dr. O'Malley, you did a fine job today. I'm very proud of you. You showed me something that I hadn't seen in an intern in a long time. And I've been doing this job for years so believe me I have seen a lot."

"Thank you Dr. Webber." George had been escorted by Bailey to see the chief and he was very impressed with his work. George didn't really want all the attention though. He'd come so close to losing Meredith and realized he never told her how he felt.

"Meredith is very dear to me, almost like a daughter. If it wasn't for you she would be lost, and so would her mother's memory. Thank you." and with that the chief left his office.

"Okay O'Malley, Dr Burke needs you in OR2 immediately." Bailey said breaking the silence the chief had left them in. George headed out the door but not before Bailey added, "and George, I'm proud of you too. And I'm sure Meredith will be happy to see you when she comes around."

"I hope so." George muttered heading to the OR.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"What happened to me in there? I totally froze. I never freeze." Cristina said. Cristina and Izzie were in there regular spot sitting on the gurney in the hallway.

"I just stood there. If it wasn't for George, do you think she'd be okay." Izzie asked.

"I don't know."

"He was amazing in there, wasn't he?"

"Yer, amazing." Cristina was still furious with herself. She could've cost her closest friend's life because she had hesitated. If it wasn't for George...

"Hey guys, what's up?" Alex asked interrupting Cristina's trail of thought.

"George just saved Meredith's life." Izzie responded.

"What Bambi? No way."

"Yeah he did. How is that so difficult for you to understand? I mean last time something like this happened you were with him and you totally chickened out! You are so jealous of him and it sickens me." Izzie yelled at him.

"Hey, hey. I didn't chicken out, I merely hesitated."

"I know how that feels." mumbled Cristina.

"When are you going to give George a break? Huh? You're not even half the man he is!" And with that she stormed off.

"You blew that one."

"What did I do wrong? And why is she so defensive about George?"

"Alex, if you haven't noticed already she's clearly impressed with him. First the elevator, now Meredith. I'd say she has a soft spot for him."

"But Bambi?"

"It may be hard for you to believe but yes, Bambi."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Richard, do you know where Derek is? I've been looking for him all over?" Addison asked with a concerned look on her face.

"Sorry Addison, I haven't seen him either. If I do I'll let you know."

"Thanks. Are you alright? You don't look yourself today."

"Just worried about a patient, you know how it is."

"Of course, well I"ll keep looking. Bye Richard."

"Goodbye Addison."

Where could he be? Addison thought. As she turned the corner she found the answer to that question.

**Sorry it took so long but I've been away. Just in case this doesn't follow the current storyline I'll let you know I'm Australian and the restarted the whole first series in stead of finishing the second. Damn TV! Keep the reviews coming please.**


	6. in the loop

"Sorry, I didn't properly introduce myself, I'm Jason Wells." He replied accepting Derek's handshake. "How is she?"

"She's in a stable condition. I'm sorry to ask but how did you know she was here? The only person we contacted was her mother."

"I was actually visiting Ellis at the time. I'm in Seattle for business and I wanted to check up on her and Meredith. It was lucky I did."

behind the two of them came an almost silent whisper. "Derek?"

They both whipped around to see Meredith struggling to sit up in the bed.

"Meredith, welcome back." Derek beamed at her. He didn't care about anything anymore he was just so glad she was okay.

"What...what happened."

"You were in a car crash. You had a considerable amount of damage to your kidneys and and a strong blow to your head causing a blood clot. You seem okay at the moment but I suggest lots of bed rest."

Meredith's brain was buzzing with all this new information. She tried to think back to the accident but all she could see was a blinding white light. "I don't remember. When did this happen?"

"Two days ago. You've been in a coma since."

"Oh my god." Meredith muttered.

"Hey Meredith, it's me, Jason." Jason walked toward the bed.

"Jason! What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too." he replied laughing.

"I'm sorry. It's just, I haven't seen you in ages!"

"I know. I'm here on business and then a bit of a holiday."

"It's so good to see you again."

Derek was uncomfortable with the current situation so he made to leave. "Wait Derek." Derek turned to look at Meredith. "I...uh...I..."

"It's okay. I'll leave you two to catch up."

"It was nice to meet you Dr. Shepherd." Jason said.

"Yes and you too." and with that he stepped outside. When he turned to walk away he came face to face with Addison.

"Hello Derek."

"Addison. How long have you been watching?" Derek asked in a stern tone. He couldn't believe she was spying on him! He hoped she didn't here him talking to her alone and especially about signing the divorce papers.

"Long enough to know you still have feelings for Meredith."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

After talking to the chief all George wanted to do was sit down with his friends. He joined the group as Izzie stormed past.

"Hey guys. Is Izzie alright?"

"Why don't you check on her Bambi." Alex retorted walking the other way.

George gave Cristina a inquisitive look.

"Don't ask." she replied not looking up from her text book.

"Why does that always happen?"

"_What _always happens?"

"I'm not in the loop. You people won't let me in and now I never know what I've done wrong."

"You are too in the loop."

"Am not. No one ever tells me anything."

"Meredith has an ex fiance."

"What?"

"You wanted to be in the loop."

"When...who..."

"Jason Wells. He's in with her now. Apparently McDreamy hotfooted it out of there when they started talking. I don't blame him though. Apparently he's a hottie."

"Wow, I never knew."

"None of us did."

"Why do you think they, um, ended it."

"He probably sucked in bed." George spat out the coffee he was drinking. "What? I'm only speculating."

"Yeah, well don't speculate about Meredith's love life." as soon as he said it he regretted it.

"Ooh Georgie Porgie still has a crushie wushie on Mer-Mer." Cristina taunted laughing.

"I do not. And by the way my name is George. Not Georgie Porgie or Bambi and _definitely_ not 007."

"Okay George, you've put me in my place, just please don't kill me, I beg you. " Cristina was nearly falling off the gurney for laughing so hard.

"If this is the price I have to pay for being in the loop than count me out!" George huffed walking away and leaving Cristina alone trying to control her laughter.

**I hope this one was a bit longer. Man I love George. Please R&R.**


	7. catching up

"How did you know I was here?" Meredith asked amazed that he'd come to visit her.

"I was visiting your mother. She seems well."

"I haven't seen her much lately. I've been so busy. I can't believe you visited her though!" she added laughing.

"We've always gotten along." Jason replied smiling.

"You were always her favourite. She used to go on and on about you. How smart you were because you were studying to become a neurosurgeon. When I told her I wanted to be a surgeon she told me I wasn't even good enough!"

"I remember well, I had to listen to you going on about it all night."

"That's right! Oh I remember that. I kept saying how you should be her child cause she loves you so much. Man I must have been an earful that night."

"You made up for it well." Jason grinned.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Exactly how much did you hear, Addison?" Derek asked his wife.

"I only found you when that Jason guy turned up. Why, what did you say that I shouldn't have heard, Derek?"

"Nothing. It's just..."

"It's just what, Derek? I know you still have feelings for her and I'm sick of waiting around to see if you still have feelings for _me. _I know I made a terrible mistake and I wish I could take it back but I can't. Just tell me, tell me if deep down you do still have any type of feelings for me that will give me a reason to stay. Because I have feelings for you." Addison stared into her husbands eyes pleading for him to reply. He didn't. He couldn't think of anything to say. She had knocked the wind out of him and he was left speechless.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

It was lunchtime and Cristina, George, Izzie and Alex were all sitting around a table in the cafeteria.

"Has anyone seen Jason yet?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah, I saw him come out of Meredith's room before. He's really cute." Izzie replied.

"More than me?" asked Alex looking at Izzie.

"Yes Alex, it is possible for someone to be better than you. You can't be the best at everything."

"You're still going on about that. Jeez I can't believe you sometimes Izzie."

"_Me? You _can't believe _me?_"

"Do you think he's here 'cause he wants Meredith back?" George pondered ignoring Izzie and Alex.

"He can get anyone he wants. Why come back for Meredith?" said Cristina.

"What do you mean 'he can have anyone he wants'? And what's wrong with Meredith?" George retorted defensively.

"He _is _Jason Wells, you know."

"Who's Jason Wells?"

"_The_ Dr. Jason Wells. He's huge in Boston. One of the most renowned neurosurgeons in America. And he's the most eligible bachelor over there at the moment." stated Izzie.

"If he's as famous as you say he is, why is here in Seattle?" George asked.

"One can only guess."

"I bet you he's here to get into Meredith's pants." Alex suggested.

"What is it with guys and wanting to turn everything dirty all the time?" Izzie scowled at Alex.

"Force of habit." he shrugged.

"You are so pathetic. I'm going to check on Meredith if anyone who isn't a self-centred, chauvinistic pig wants to come. Izzie retorted, gathering her things from the table.

"Sorry, O'Malley, looks like you're staying here." Alex said.

"Ugh! Go to hell Karev." Izzie spat walking off.

"She wants me bad." grinned Alex.

"You know what, Karev? She's right, you are pathetic." George said before walking away with Cristina.

**Sorry this chapter is pretty crap but I was running out of ideas. Ideas would be greatly appreciated. Cya!**


	8. discharged

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. And I don't own the lines I borrowed from the show. And no unfortunately I don't own McDreamy.**

"Hey Mer, how are you?" Izzie whispered.

"I'm not dying. You can talk normally."

"Oh sorry, it's just...oh I'm just so glad you're okay."

"We all are." added George.

"Thanks guys, I don't know what I'd do without you. And especially you George. I heard how you saved my life. Thank you so much." Meredith tried to fight back tears.

"George was amazing. Wasn't he Cristina?" Izzie looked to her friend.

"Yeah, he was wonderful." Cristina responded sincerely, "So know we're past all the hugging and crying stuff, tell us about Jason." she added turning to Meredith.

"What?" Meredith laughed perplexed.

"Oh come on, don't pretend you don't know what we're talking about." pushed Cristina.

"What's to know? We're just good friends."

"Ha!" scoffed Izzie, "don't try the 'we're just good friends' routine. I am the queen of that line!"

"Really, we are. We used to be engaged but it didn't work out but we still stayed friends."

"Are you sure that's all it is?" asked Izzie, "I mean the guy came here from Boston just to see you."

"Not _just_ to see me. He was already here for business and he heard what happened and wanted to see if I was alright. Like any _friend_ would do."

"Mm sure. Keep telling yourself that." teased Izzie.

"If Meredith says they're just friends, than they're just friends." George interjected before turning away knowing that Izzie and Cristina were throwing knowing looks in his direction.

"Thank you George." Just then Jason entered. "Guys I'd like you to meet Jason. Jason this is the gang." Meredith gestured towards the rest.

"Hi, I'm Izzie Stevens, this is Cristina and George. It's a pleasure to meet you." Izzie said shaking Jason's hand.

"Wow, you'd think I was someone important." laughed Jason as Meredith narrowed her eyes at Izzie behind his back.

"So, how long do you think you'll be staying in Seattle, Dr. Wells?" asked Cristina.

"Please, call me Jason. I'm leaving in just over a month. It's not a lot of time but enough to do what I have to do and catch up with old friends."

"So your not just here to see Meredith then, you have other friends to visit." George added, hopefully.

"When I say friends I mean leeches," he laughed, "you know, people who are only interested in you now that you're doing well, so they try to suck up to you for a bit of your glory. Stuff like that."

"Don't you hate that?" Izzie laughed. Everyone went silent except for Jason who laughed in agreement. "_What?"_ Izzie yelled, hurt at her friends' sudden silence.

"Anyway," said Cristina, "George and I have open heart surgery with Burke in fifteen minutes, so, it was great to meet you, Jason, and I'll see you later Meredith."

"Bye Mer." George smiled at Meredith as he left with Cristina.

Derek entered with Meredith's chart straight after they left. "Meredith," he said looking up, "oh I'm sorry, I'll come back later." he said noticing Jason and Izzie.

"No that's okay," Jason smiled, "come in."

"Well, this is sufficiently awkward," Izzie muttered, "I have, um, stuff to do, so I, um, I'll just go now. I'll see you later, Mer." and Izzie quickly shuffled out not wanting to be in the same room as those three put together.

"Yes Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith asked raising an eyebrow at Derek.

"I've come with good news. Tomorrow you will be discharged. Although you still have to be pretty careful. Although you may not agree, I suggest you take a day or two of work just in case."

"I've already missed too much. I can't afford to take another day off."

"I figured that would be the case." Derek smiled, "Well, I think that's about it." Derek said checking her chart. "Get some rest I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you doctor. I'll make sure she does."

"Good to know." as Derek left Jason followed him around the corner.

"Dr. Shepherd," he called out catching Derek's attention, "I can't stress how grateful I am that you are looking after Meredith. She means a lot to me and I can't think of another doctor I would have trusted with her. Derek raised his eyebrows at Jason. "I learnt a lot from you Dr Shepherd. Not face to face of course, but I researched a lot of the work you did in New York. You're an excellent doctor."

"Thank you, I see we have something in common." he left and didn't elaborate anymore leaving Jason think that it was their brilliance that they had in common when he really meant that Meredith meant a lot to him aswell.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

**Next Day**

"Meredith, when they discharge you they expect you to at least take that day off." Izzie said to her friend as Meredith got changed into her scrubs.

"I've missed three open heart surgeries, two liver transplants, a colostomy..."

"You're lucky you missed that one."

"_Izzie_, the point is I'm already behind enough as it is I can't afford anymore time off."

"You were in a seven car pile up!"

"Thanks for reminding me." Meredith retorted sarcastically.

"You're just as stubborn as Cristina."

"It works for me."

"If you're not lucky you're going to end up like her. A hollow shell devoid of emotion."

"If you're talking about Alex I totally second you." Cristina said entering the locker room.

Meredith smiled at Izzie cocking an eyebrow then turned to Cristina. "What'd he do now?" she asked.

"He's just being the same jack ass as usual."

"That sounds like him." Izzie said as Bailey walked in.

"Okay, that's enough talk about your personal life. Izzie, the Dr Shepherds need an intern up on NICU."

"Wait, both of them, together? And me, by myself, with the two married people who hate each other?"

"Go! Cristina, you're on the thoracotomy."

"Oh, with Burke? Oh, can't I have the hateful married couple instead?"

"Okay, I'm sorry I thought that I was your resident not your hostess. I assign, you take. Is that a problem?"

"N-no."

"Good, then go. Meredith, you're on scut."

"I'm fine Dr. Bailey, I can do rounds."

"Don't argue with me Grey. You're lucky I'm even giving you something to do. You can catch up on charting, run samples to the lab, go over..."

"I'm fine, seriously."

"Take that up with Dr. Shepherd. He's the one who has to clear you. Now scoot.""

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"I need you to clear me for surgery." Meredith asked Derek after two hours of tedious work.

"I'm sorry I can't do that."

"I am sick and tired of chart work. I've probably seen every patient's chart who's been here."

"Listen, when I told you to have a days rest I meant at least today. When you're discharged you are expected to have _that_ day off. So I'll clear you tomorrow when I am positive you have recovered enough for surgery."

"This is about Jason, isn't it?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're upset I never told you about him. You're jealous."

"This has nothing to do with your...love life. This has to do with your physical condition. And by the way," he added walking away. "I don't _get_ jealous."

Meredith found herself smiling and quickly covered it up.

**Sorry it's been so long! Thanks for your ideas guys. Love ya!**


	9. goodnight

"I'm so glad we decided to do this."

"Yeah, me too." Meredith replied stepping out of the car. She was wearing a little red satin dress with matching red satin shoes and her hair was loosely pulled up into a knot. She looked like a million dollars. She just wished she felt that way too. He helped her out and lead her into the restaurant.

"Welcome to the Il Terrazzo Carmine. Do you have a reservation, sir?" The Italian Maitre De asked.

"Yes, ah Jason Wells, table for two?"

"Right this way, Dr. Wells." he ushered them to their seats. They were sitting next to the window and could see the brilliant view of the night. "Our waiter will be with you in a few moments. But first, would you like to start of with a bottle of wine?"

"Yes, what's your best red?"

"That would be the Romanee Saint-Vivant."

"That would be terrific, thank you." Jason said turning to look at Meredith. "You look beautiful tonight, Meredith."

"Thank you Jason." Meredith gushed embarassed. "You do too. I mean not beautiful...cause you're a guy... what I meant was..." Meredith stuttered.

"It's okay, Mer. I know. I'm nervous too." Jason smiled amused.

"I'm sorry Jason, it's just, I haven't done this for a while."

"I'm sorry Mer. It's too soon, isn't it? I was worried it would be."

"No, of course not Derek-Jason! I meant to say Jason. Oh I'm so sorry. I..."

"It's okay, Mer. Do you and Dr. Shepherd have something...going on between you?"

"No. well, not now, but we did. I know, I know, I was stupid to get involved with an attending, it could've cost me my career and..."

"Mer, I wasn't going to say that. Tell me, what happened between the two of you?"

"It was the night before I started at Seattle Grace, I was at a bar and he sat down next to me, and we had one too many tequilas and then, well, need I say more?"

"No. I understand"

"Well the next day I found out he was my boss. Neither of us knew. And it kind of went on from there. We _dated_ for lack of a better word and I got a little too emotionally involved. He...he's married. He didn't tell me, I had to find out from her. He broke my heart Jason." Meredith's eyes filled with tears. She really didn't want to cry but she couldn't seem to stop them. "Can we, can we get out of here? Get some fresh air?"

"Sure. Let's go"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek couldn't believe he was doing this. What was he thinking? She won't want to see him. Nervously he raised his hand to Meredith's front door and knocked.

"Uh, just a sec!" Izzie called out tidying the place up in case it was Meredith back early. Izzie looked out the door to see the back of Derek looking out to the street. What was he doing here? Should she let him in? She'd already called out so she couldn't pretend no one was home. Slowly she opened the door. "Hi, um Meredith isn't here, she's out."

"Oh, okay then. Do you know when she'll be back? I'd like to talk to her."

"No. I'm sorry Derek, she's out with Jason." Izzie paused looking at the hurt on Derek's face. "Maybe, maybe you could talk tomorrow – at work."

"Yeah, yeah. I, uh, I'm sorry to do this to you. I'll just go. Um, bye Izzie.."

"Goodbye Derek." Izzie called to his retreating back before she closed the door.

"Who was that?" George asked from the kitchen.

"No one. It was no one." Izzie replied.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Thank you for a lovely night, Jason." Meredith said as Jason walked her to her door.

"It was my pleasure." He smiled

"Well, I have an early start tomorrow so I better go. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Meredith." But before she opened the door he leaned in to kiss her goodnight. It was a soft kiss and Meredith didn't pull away. She smiled as she closed the door and went to her room.

As Jason's car pulled out of her driveway the headlights caught someone in their light. Jason didn't notice the man. It was Derek and he'd just seen Meredith and Jason kiss goodnight. His heart broke as their lips touched.

**I know it's really short but I thought it was a good place to end it. Don't worry, I'm already writing the next chapter. Merry Christmas everyone!**


	10. roses

"Derek, are you alright? You seem a little, distracted." Addison asked her husband as they pulled up to the hospital.

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired." he smiled at her.

"I'm not surprised. You were out all night. Where were you?"

"I was at the harbour for a while." He wasn't entirely lying. After Derek saw Jason and Meredith together he couldn't bear the thought of going home to Addison. He had to get his mind off Meredith. He needed to think his life over. So he went to the harbour and watched the ferry boats.

"You worried me, Derek." Addison said truly concerned about her husband. She just wanted everything to be how it used to be but she knew he wouldn't forgive her completely. She wished she could just rewind time and be happy again. Most of all she wanted Derek to be happy. She wasn't used to seeing him like this. He was always vibrant and playful. It was hard to see him like this.

"I'm fine, Addi. Really." Derek interrupted her thoughts. "We better get going. I'll see you soon." He lent in and pecked her on the cheek through the window before walking off.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Morning." Meredith sung out to her room mates.

"Somebody sounds oddly cheerful." Izzie said to George.

"She probably just had a good sleep." George replied.

"Or she might have just had a certain someone."

"I heard that!" Meredith yelled to Izzie as she descended the stairs. "Actually, nothing happened between me and Jason. We just went out for dinner and that's it."

"Then why can't you wipe that grin of your face. That's not a 'we just had dinner' grin." Izzie interjected laughing. It was good to see her friend smile again.

"It wasn't anything serious. He just...kissed me goodnight."

"That's so sweet. What was it like? Was hard and passionate or soft and sweet?" Izzie asked curiously.

"Oh my god Izzie!" Meredith laughed, "It was soft and sweet. It was nice." she smiled thinking back to last night.

"So are you and him, um, together now?" George asked holding his breath.

"I'm not sure. Last night felt more friendly. And anyway we have a huge history. It would be difficult to start another relationship together."

"You know, I wish we could chat more but Bailey will have our asses if we're late." Izzie exclaimed.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Hey doll face." Alex said as Izzie entered the interns' locker room.

"You didn't call me." she replied annoyed.

"Uh, I'm sorry. Was I supposed to?" he asked.

"You said you'd call me! Well, technically I asked you to call me, but that doesn't count because you said you would! You know it's the simple things, Alex, that keep a girl around. Like calling without being asked, or, or kissing her goodnight at the end of a date."

"Hey listen, Iz, if you want me to call you, next time I will, okay? I'm sorry. And as for the kissing part..." He lent in to kiss her lips but she turned away so that he got her cheek instead.

"Oh, don't worry Alex, I won't put you out of your way again. I'm very sorry." she said sarcastically opening her locker. Inside it she found a single yellow rose. "Was this...is this from you?" she asked Alex a little breathless.

"Yeah, but don't worry, it won't happen again." he said turning around and walking away.

"Wait, Alex!" Izzie called out but he was already gone. "I'm, I'm sorry." she whispered holding the flower.

"I wouldn't get too bent up on it." Cristina said to Izzie.

"Cristina!" Meredith hissed.

""What? It's not like he gave her a _red _rose. Yellow roses are what you give your sick grandma when you're visiting her in hospital. It's not exactly the most _romantic_ flower out there."

"Cristina, you're not helping." Meredith said steering her out of the room.

"Hey, I'm Miss Sensitivity." Cristina said as they headed to their patient's room. Meredith couldn't help but laugh out loud as they entered the room where Derek was standing next to their patient.

"Dr. Grey, I'm not sure what is so funny but I'll ask you to postpone conversation so we can concentrate on our patient, Mrs. Miller." Derek said.

"I'm very sorry Dr. Shepherd, I didn't mean to be so _unprofessional_." Meredith snapped back. Derek knew she was having a go at him so he left it at that.

"Has Mrs. Miller's symptoms changed since her last check-up?" Derek asked Cristina and Meredith.

"We've found the gene mutilation BRCA2. Unfortunately, Mrs. Miller tested positive for ovarian cancer and breast cancer." Cristina stated.

"Thank you Dr. Yang. Dr Grey, can you please tell me what the next step is?"

"There are a few options for Mrs Miller to consider. Observation; she will be closely observed for symptoms of cancer, take regular mammograms, do self-breast-exams and get clinical breast exams and get ultrasounds and blood work to test for ovarian cancer. Another option is to risk avoidance by eating well, exercise regularly, drink less alcohol. There's also chemoprevention; taking natural or synthetic substances with the hope of reducing the risk of ovarian cancer. Her last option is prophylactic surgery; a bilateral double mastectomy salpingo-oophorectomy and hysterectomy. Unfortunately this won't guarantee a one hundred per cent chance that the patient won't develop cancer."

"Thank you Dr. Grey. Mrs. Miller, I know it may seem like a lot for you to digest right now but you're going to have to choose one of these options. I have a surgery to attend to now but I will explain the procedures to you more clearly later."

"How much later?"

"In about half an hour. I'll see you soon." and he left to his next surgery.

"Am I going to be okay?" Mrs Miller asked.

"Dr. Shepherd is an excellent doctor. You're in good hands Mrs Miller." Meredith smiled at her patient.


	11. confessions

As the lift doors opened, Meredith saw Derek inside it alone. She turned to take the stairs.

"You know you can't keep avoiding me forever." Derek said.

"Fine. I'll take the stupid lift. Happy?" Meredith said getting in.

"Ecstatic." he grinned.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?" he laughed.

"Smiling. Every time you smile it makes me forget I'm mad at you." Derek lent over Meredith and pulled the stop button on the lift. "What are you doing?"

"We need to talk." Derek said seriously.

"No we don't. Not now, not ever."

"Meredith." Derek started but she cut him off.

"No Derek. Stop. I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

"Please. Just speak to me."

"No. because I'm trying to move on, but it turns out you're not so easy to get over."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Why are these elevators always stopping?" George asked annoyed looking at the numbers above the lift. He was waiting with Cristina, Izzy, Alex and Jason. "Man, I really need to pee!"

"There's a toilet around the corner George." Izzy said.

"Dr Morgans was in there." George explained.

"Ohh." They all nodded simultaneously in response. No one needed to say anymore. The doors to the lift opened revealing Derek and Meredith in a passionate kiss. Everyone just stood there, mouths open, staring at them. Everyone except Jason.

"Are you going up?" he asked them casually. Meredith and Derek instantly broke apart at the sound of his voice.

"Ah, this is my stop." Derek said walking out looking back at Meredith. He didn't want to cause a scene in front of everyone, although he kind of just did.

Jason stepped in with Meredith. "Aren't you guys coming?" he asked the others who were still standing there in silence.

"You know what, I bet Dr Morgans didn't have a burrito for lunch today." George said.

"I'm gonna take the stairs. I really need the exercise." said Izzy.

"Me too." Cristina agreed. They all looked at Alex.

"I'm good." he said stepping in.

"_Alex!" _Izzy hissed, dragging him out.

"What?" he complained as the doors closed.

"So..." Jason said.

"It's not what you think it was." Meredith quickly cut him off.

"Ha!" Jason laughed. "I can't wait to hear what it _really_ was then."

"No, I mean...we...I..."

"Don't feel like you have to explain it to me, Meredith. I'm obviously not important enough to you to warrant an explanation. Jason said coolly. The doors opened and he stepped out letting a rush of people push Meredith to the back of the lift.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith lay on her bed looking up at the ceiling. What just happened? Why did she kiss him? She was supposed to hate him. He broke her heart and yet when their lips touched she forgot all about it. She could only think of how much she missed him. But Jason saw them! She'd screwed up everything. Just as they were starting to get close again too. A knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Meredith? Are you in there?" it was George. Sweet, dependable George.

"Come in, George." she called out. He opened the door holding two beers under his arm and two glasses in his other hand. "My savior." she smiled taking a beer from him and cracking it open.

"I have a glass for you." he offered.

"This type of situation doesn't need a glass. This is a drink-it-straight-from-the-bottle situation. And she took a large gulp.

"Okay." George laughed doing the same. "Are you okay, Mer?" he asked seriously.

"In a word, no. no, i am not okay." she said swallowing. "I don't know what just happened, George. Can you tell me what just happened?" she said looking at George, taking another sip.

"Well, from what I saw, you kissed Dr. Shepherd in the lift."

"Urgh! I Know. How could I have been so stupid?"

"You obviously still have feelings for him. I think..." George started, this was one of the hardest things he'd ever have to say, "I think you love him. And he loves you too."

"How do you know if he loves me, George? Meredith asked sceptically.

"By the way he looks at you."

"How does he look at me?" she asked, intrigued now.

"The same way I do." Meredith looked at George in silence. She didn't know what to say. She'd never seen this coming.

"Dinner's ready!" Izzy called from downstairs.

"We, uh, we better go, eat, and um, drink and..." Meredith started

"Yeah...dinner." George said looking away.

"Earth to Meredith." Izzy called to her friend across the dinner table.

"Huh?" Meredith responded, snapping out of a daze.

"I've asked you like three times to pass the salt."

"Oh, sorry Iz. Daydreaming." she smiled passing the salt.

"What's with you two? You haven't said a thing all night." Izzy asked starting to get annoyed.

"I'm not feeling too good. I'm gonna head off to bed." George said getting up.

"Okay. Are you all right?" she asked concerned.

"Yeah, I just need some rest. Goodnight." he walked up the stairs to bed.

"I saw Dr Morgans order curry. I bet that's what it is." Meredith didn't reply. She stared at her dinner.

"Did you use the same toilet as George?" Izzy asked Meredith.

"Huh? Um, no. I've just had a, long day."

"You wanna tell me about? Like the part where you were caught playing tongue hockey in the elevator with McDreamy?"

"Not really." Meredith said gathering the empty dishes.

"I'll do that Mer. You go sit down." Izzy said getting up.

"That's okay. It's better if I keep myself busy."

"All right. Well, I'm gonna go to bed too. 'Night."

"'Night." as Meredith cleaned the dishes she looked out the kitchen window. She couldn't believe George felt that way about her. He was George. He was the guy who always let her win at scrabble. He was the guy who always ordered an extra round of tequila when she'd had a bad day. He was the guy that always managed to make her laugh. She'd always thought of him as just a friend. Nothing more. Why did he have to tell her this now? He knew she was already having problems with Derek and Jason and now he had to lay this on her. I t was unfair.

**I decide to add another element because it was kind of sounding all the same. I'm a huge shipper for mer and der but i don't think it'd be realistic if they just got back together straight away. And I've always wondered what would happen if George told Meredith how he felt. I'm gonna be a bit busy for a while so I probably won't update straight away. You know, life of a surgeon... but not.**


	12. too late

"Wake up Mer. We're going to be late." Izzy said to her friend who was still lying in bed half asleep.

"I'm calling in sick." Meredith mumbled into her pillow.

"No, you're not. I don't want to go either but we have to. Rumour is there's a major surgery today and they're letting four interns scrub in." Izzy said trying to coax her out of bed.

"Who's heading it?" she asked her, face still in her pillow.

"Uh, it doesn't matter. It's going to be huge." Izzy said hesitated, knowing Meredith wouldn't come if she knew.

"It's Derek, isn't it?"

"I don't know for sure. Why don't you come and find out?" Izzy asked hopefully.

"Nice try. You are the worst liar I have ever met, Isabelle Stevens."

"Come on, Mer. You refused to take the day off after the accident, why take one off for something so menial as this?"

"It isn't menial to me, Izzy. Frankly, I'd rather face another crash then turn up today."

"Don't say that Mer. Anyway, you'll probably only see Derek. That was obviously just an unlucky coincidence that Jason happened to be in the hospital."

"It wasn't a coincidence. He's doing some work for the Chief. Trying to _expand_ his knowledge." she said grudgingly.

"Damn...oh well, you're still coming." and she ripped the blankets off Meredith's bed.

"Urgh! I hate you, Izzie." she grumbled.

"I know." she smiled.

"Is George still here?" Meredith asked getting up.

"No, he left an hour ago. Said he had to check on one of his patients early."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Meredith, Izzy, you're late." Bailey said as they caught up with the rest of the interns.

"We're really sorry, Dr Bailey. We'll try not to do it again." Izzy apologized.

"It's not me you should apologizing too. Your patient, Mr Barnes, just had another seizure and you weren't there."

"Oh my god. Is he all right?"

"If I were you I'd go check on him now." Izzy ran off to her patients room.

"I know you all would've heard about the emergency craniotomy and that only four interns will be chosen to scrub in. Dr Shepherd is going to be in charge and Dr Burke will be assisting him. They have both come up with a list of names. Cristina, George and Meredith, you'll be scrubbing in and, seeing as Izzy cannot make it, Alex, you're the fourth." the rest of the interns all groaned. "Hey, hey. Lose the attitude." she barked at them. "And you four, _go_!"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"That was awesome." Cristina grinned as they sat outside at their usual table eating lunch. I mean did you see the size of that blood clot? It was huge. Meredith's was like a quarter that size."

"Hey, I'm sitting right here." Meredith said incredulously.

"I'm sorry but that was so cool. Intracranial hematomas are my new favourite."

"You sound like you're talking about candy." Izzy said. She was still annoyed that she'd missed out on the surgery.

"This _is_ candy for me, but with blood. Which is way cooler."

"Ew!" Izzy squirmed..

"I'm sorry to inform you that our dear friend, Cristina Yang has turned into a vampire." Meredith mocked in a formal tone. Everyone started laughing.

"I'm not a vampire, vampires are renowned for killing people and that's 007's job over here." Cristina laughed pointing at George.

"Hey, I haven't killed someone in like ages!" George retorted.

"Do you tell that to all your patient?." Alex laughed which started everyone up again.

"No." George muttered under his breath.

"Meredith, can I have a word?" Meredith turned around to see Derek standing behind her. Meredith looked to Cristina and Izzy asking them with her eyes what she should do. They both barely nodded so she got up and left with him. As they walked inside they bumped into the chief.

"Derek, Meredith, is everything okay?" he asked suspiciously. He'd heard the rumour about them in the lift but wasn't too sure what to make of it. The gossip mainly came from nurses who have nothing better to do with their time than start trouble.

"I'm just discussing the intracranial hematoma patient, Mr Fox, with Dr Grey." Derek made up.

"How is Mr Fox.?" Richard asked concerned.

"He's in a stable condition which is more than we can ask for at the moment."

"Good. I'll leave you to it then." and he walked away towards the lifts.

"Come in here for a second." Derek said, leading her into an on call room.

"Do we have to do this now?" she asked as he closed the door.

"Yes, because otherwise you'll blow me off again like usual."

"Hey, you were the one who ran off the other day when Jason saw us in the lift."

"It was my floor!" he argued.

"You could've pretended it wasn't and stayed there instead of leaving me to handle it on my own."

"I had a surgery to get to."

"You didn't seem too worried about it when you pulled the emergency button."

"You provoked me."

"What? I can't believe you!"

"Okay, okay, this wasn't what I had in mind when I said I wanted to talk." Derek said, trying to settle her down.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Do you want the realistic version or the _un_realistic version. Frankly, I rather the latter of the two." He said smiling.

"You think this is funny? You're seriously enjoying this?" Meredith asked feeling herself start to heat up again.

"No. I don't. I'm sorry. About yesterday..."

"Please Derek, I can't do this anymore." Meredith interrupted.

"Do what?"

"_This_. I can't keep living like this."

"Then don't." he said looking into her eyes.

"It's not that easy Derek."

"Meredith, I love you."

"What?" she gasped caught of guard.

"I love you, so much."

"If you do, why didn't you tell me about her?"

"Because I thought you'd run away. I didn't want to lose you."

"You're right, I would have. But it would've saved me an _awful_ lot of grief." she said through tears. "You hurt me Derek. Ever since Jason, I swore I'd never love anyone again, but there you were, and I stupidly made myself believe you might have been the one. But that's not the worst of it. Even after I found out about her I still wanted you back. I laid my heart on the line for you and you tore it into tiny pieces when you chose her. So if you really did love me, then why did you go back to her?"

"Because I did what I thought was best at the time. I loved Addison too, remember. It's hard to erase the memories of ten years of marriage."

"And now you think you made a mistake?" she asked still trying to choke back tears.

"I _know_ I made a mistake, Meredith."

"You're too late Derek." Meredith said turning around and walking out of the room. Tears were now uncontrollably spilling down her cheeks. She didn't care. She wanted to cry. It didn't matter what everyone would say, she deserved to have a cry.


	13. words of comfort

**Disclaimer: (haven't done one in a while) I do not own Grey's Anatomy or anything affiliated with it. **

"Meredith, there's someone here to see you." Izzy called to her friend from the front door.

"Who is it?" Meredith asked not really caring. As soon as Meredith had arrived home she sat in front of the TV and put on one of her mother's surgery tapes. Although she wasn't really watching it at all, she was thinking about how screwed up her life was at the moment.

"Maybe you should come and see." Izzy urged.

"If you want me to go to the door so badly Izzy then it's a person I obviously don't want to see. So, no."

"Uh, sorry about this. Just, come in." Izzy told Meredith's guest.

"Thank you Izzy." he said walking into the lounge to Meredith.

"Jason? What are you doing here?" Meredith asked wiping chip crumbs off her shirt.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about the other day. I also wanted to see if you were all right." He said, looking down at her, concerned.

"You don't have to say sorry, Jason. You did nothing wrong."

"No, I acted like a jerk. I didn't even let you explain to me what happened."

"I'm so sorry." she whispered.

"It's okay Meredith. Can we maybe talk somewhere a little more private?" he asked turning to see Izzy and George sitting in the kitchen hanging on their every word.

"Sure. My room's just upstairs. It also has a lock on it." she said turning towards Izzy and George who quickly tried to look busy studying an Oreo box. Meredith lead Jason upstairs into her room. She locked the door behind her then sat on her bed motioning Jason to do the same.

"I know we should talk about what happened but, I don't know where to begin, or what to say." Meredith said as Jason sat next to her. He took her hand in his.

"Did it mean anything?" he asked her.

"Did _what_ mean anything?" she asked, although she was pretty sure she already knew.

"The kiss. You and Derek. In the lift."

"I...I don't think so. I don't know, Jason. Everything is so confusing at the moment, I don't know what to think anymore." she says, tears swelling in her eyes. He sees her try to fight them and pulls her into him, holding her, comforting her.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, Mer. I'm here, you can talk to me." he consoles.

"Really?" she asks looking up into his brown eyes. She's always loved his eyes. When he was at work they were serious and assessing, when he was in the bedroom they melted to liquid chocolate. "Why did we have to end it?" she asked him.

"You know why Meredith. You can't have a long-distance relationship let alone a long-distance _marriage_. It wasn't the right time for us. Though I always regret it, everyday. I think, what would've happened if I had turned down attending and moved to Seattle with you? I tell myself it was for the best and we obviously weren't meant to be. But, I've never forgiven myself for choosing my job over you. And I never will." he said and then leant in and kissed her lightly on the lips.

She kissed him back and pulled his body on top of her. She undid the buttons of his shirt, rubbing her hands over his hard, lean stomach, groaning at the memory of his body. She pulled her shirt over her head as he undid her bra, slowly running his hands down the length of her body. They both slowly undressed each other and sat on the bed facing each other, looking into each other's eyes. "I missed you." she whispered into his ear before kissing him on the neck.

"I missed you too." he replied pulling her against him.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Hey George. Where have you been all day? You disappeared after lunch." Izzy said as George entered the kitchen.

"I was, busy." he explained.

"I was wondering if you wanted to Joe's with me an Mer tonight?"

"No. No I don't think so." he said looking in the fridge.

"What's wrong with you lately? You never pass down a booze fest."

"Nothing! Okay? Nothing is wrong with me." he snapped.

"Woah! Sorry for asking George! But next time you want to convince me 'nothing's wrong' try not to be such a jackass and I _might _believe you!" she said turning to storm out.

"Izzy! I'm sorry Iz. I didn't mean, I just, I told her Izzy. I told her everything." George said stopping her.

"Told _who_ what?" she asked, still annoyed at his reaction when she was only trying to help but still her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Meredith. I told Meredith." he sighed, his chest hurting with every heart beat.

"You told her you like her?" she asked incredulous.

"No." he said not looking at Izzy.

"Then what did you tell her?" she asked lost.

"I told her, I told her I loved her." he said looking up to see Izzy's reaction.

"Oh my god." she gasped raising her hand to her mouth. "I had no idea George. I thought, I thought"

"That it was just some stupid schoolyard crush?" he said cutting her off.

"How did she take it?" she asked carefully.

"We didn't really have a chance to say anything else. You called us down to dinner as soon as I said it."

"Oh, I'm so sorry George. I didn't mean...I didn't know." she stuttered.

"It wasn't your fault, Izzy. Anyway, she didn't want to hear it. You should've seen the look in her eyes."

"I'm sure that's not true George." Izzy said trying to comfort him. "She's been through a lot lately. She just wasn't expecting it. You kinda chose a bad time to tell her."

"I know. It just slipped out. I couldn't help it. Anyway, I was a fool to think she'd feel the same way."

"No, George, you weren't. You can't help falling in love, no matter how hard you try you can't stop it. And even when you think they don't love you back your heart breaks, but you end up loving them more. Love is a painful thing. You've just got to wait and hope that one day your love will be returned." Izzy said eyes glistening at the look on George's face. Her chest tightening at the loss and hurt that had taken hold of his body. He was a beautiful person. He didn't deserve to feel the way he did. She just hoped that someday soon he would find someone who felt the same way about him.


	14. dinner

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been writing it and then rewriting it because I'm starting to get a little bored with what I'm writing. I need more motivation! More reviews equal more motivation. Hint hint nudge nudge. IMPORTANT Just in case people were thinking Izzy liked George after the last part of my last chapter she doesn't. That's why I said that she hoped _someone_ would love him, as in not her. On with the story...**

"So, are you coming over for dinner tonight?" Meredith asked Jason as they walked into the hospital together. It had been a week since their fateful encounter.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Jason smiled wrapping an arm around her and planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Great, because I really want you to meet my friends properly."

"I do too." he smiled again.

Beep, beep. "Dammit!"Meredith cursed checking the readout on her pager. "I have to go. I'll see you tonight." Meredith asked walking towards the elevator.

"Definitely." he said and they shared a quick kiss before they went their seperate ways.

"Dr Grey." Derek acknowledged her standing next to her waiting for the lift.

"Dr Shepherd." she replied in a blank tone pressing the button.

"I haven't seen you in a while." he said looking at the numbers above the lift.

"I've been busy." she said checking her watch. "With Jason." she added. She notice his body stiffen and felt satisfied by his reaction.

"You know I've met Jason before." Derek said turning to face her.

"Really?" she asked sincerely interested. "When?"

"When I was in New York. We worked together on a case."

"He never told me."

"No?'" he asked. "I thought he would have. I mean after what happened in the lift the other week..."

"No he didn't Derek." Meredith cut him off. "And what happened in the lift the other day was a mistake that won't happen again."

"Really? I was looking forward to it. I was hoping maybe it'd be this time." Derek teased.

"To make sure it doesn't I'll take the stairs. It'd probably be faster than the lift at this rate." she said walking to the stairs.

"No self control." he called after her.

"Who has no self control?" Addison asked coming up behind him.

"No one. You know you've got to stop sneaking up on me like that." he said turning to her.

"Why? Scared I'll catch you doing something you shouldn't be?" she asked smirking.

"Actually I'm scared of having a heart attack finding you over my shoulder all the time."

"Oh, poor Derek, afraid of his own wife." Addison cooed. "You know you used to have a very different reaction."

"Yeah, that was before I found you sleeping with my best friend." Derek retorted turning back to the lift that he'd missed, again.

"I thought we were going to put all that behind us. Make a fresh start." Addison said facing Derek.

"I know Addi, I just have something on my mind at the moment." Derek said still not looking at her.

"Would that something have anything to do with you and Meredith getting caught in a lift last week?"

"You know about that?" Derek said quickly looking up at Addison.

"_Everyone_ knows about that Derek. You of all people should know how fast news travels in this hospital." Addison said cocking an eyebrow. "Care to explain what happened?"

"No, not really." Derek said stepping into the lift and pressing the close door button leaving Addison standing there with a look of utmost disbelief on her face.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Do want me to bring anything tonight Izzy?" Cristina asked. Cristina, Izzy, Alex and Meredith were in the on-call room having a well earned break.

"No that's okay, I've got it covered." Izzy replied looking in her locker for something.

"Good, 'cause I wasn't going to bring anything anyway." Cristina said leaning against the wall.

"Well, it was nice of you to offer. I think." came Izzy's mumbled reply.

"What's happening tonight?" Alex asked.

"Oh, I would've invited you but, I didn't." Meredith said bluntly.

"Ouch. That's harsh Grey."

"I want to make a good impression on Jason and I figured you're the last person who'd help me do that." she smirked.

"I can live with that, but why are you trying to make a good impression? I mean didn't you do that in Boston when he asked you to marry him?" he asked.

"This is different. This is...in Seattle." she said not even making sense to herself.

"Not good enough Grey. Looks like you're gonna have to invite me." he said smiling.

"Urgh, you're annoying!" she snapped.

"You know you want it." he grinned. Cristina snorted in the background then tried to play it off as a cough.

"Sorry, chest infection." she said.

"It's up to Izzy, she's the one cooking." Meredith said turning back to Alex.

"So what do you say cupcake?" Alex asked wrapping his arms around Izzy's waist.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Izzy said distracted.

"What's wrong babe?" he asked as she still had her head in her locker.

"I can't find something and it's really starting to annoy me!" Izzy complained.

"What have you lost?" Meredith asked.

"Um, nothing. Nothing important." she said unconvincingly slamming her locker shut.

"Izzy?" Meredith asked, eyebrow raised.

"Seriously it's nothing. Well I'm starved, who wants lunch?"

"Yeah sure. If you're buying." Cristina said getting up from the floor.

"I don't think so." Izzy smiled.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"He's going to be here any second!" Meredith yelled frantically at Izzie and George who were in the kitchen adding the last touches to the meal.

"Calm down, Mer. Everything's under control." Izzy reassured.

"Dammit! My zipper won't do up!. I'm gonna go upstairs and quickly get changed. Let him in if he arrives." she yelled rushing up the stairs.

"What is that, the forty-second time you've changed?" Izzy called back.

"Shut up." she heard Meredith mumble from her room.

"So, Georgie, you think you'll be able to handle this?" Izzy asked seriously, turning to George.

"If you stop calling me Georgie."

"Sorry, I'm just worried about you."

"Don't be. I don't need any sympathy."

"I know you don't want to now, but you can talk to me about it. My door's always open."

"What are you, a psychiatrist now? Being a surgeon isn't good enough anymore?" George teased, playfully hitting Izzy with the tea towel.

"Ugh, psyche's, they make me shiver." Izzy reeled laughing.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So, how long have you two known each other?" Izzy asked Jason. Cristina and Alex had arrived and they were all sitting at the table for dinner.

"We met in college. Meredith was a freshman and I was a senior at Boston College." Jason smiled at Meredith.

"Ooh, what was Meredith like back in college?" Cristina asked swallowing her mouthful.

"She was a real party girl. That's how we met, at a party." Jason explained.

"Really, I would have never pinned it. She's all Miss Practical now." Cristina said.

"I'm a surgical intern, I have to be." Meredith retorted.

"What about me? I'm an intern and I'm living it up." Alex added through a mouthful of potatoes.

"Really? When was the last time you did something non-work related?" Cristina asked sceptically.

"I went to Meredith's for dinner." he explained grinning.

"Very funny." Cristina said throwing a carrot at him which hit the side of his head.

"Looks like Yang's in the mood for a food fight." Alex said grabbing a handful of peas.

"_No_! There will be no food fights! I cooked this meal in order for you to _eat_ it." Izzy yelled putting her arms up. The rest of the table laughed as Izzy shot warning glances towards Alex and Cristina.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"I had a great time." Jason said kissing Meredith on thee forehead.

"You did?" she asked.

"Yes, I did." he laughed at Meredith's obvious nervousness that the night wouldn't turn out how she planned. "You're friends are great." he added.

"You don't want to stay the night?" Meredith asked again hoping to change his mind.

"I better not." he said

"Why?" she asked.

"Um, you know I really don't know why." Jason said contemplating this.

"Well if you have nothing better than that..." Meredith said pulling him back inside.

**Okay guys like I said earlier I need more motivation. I've been getting less and less reviews so if you want to read more come on and hit that little purple button! (although I personally think it's blue, but hey that's just me. lol) cya! xoxo**


	15. stringing along

**Thanks guys so much for your reviews! I really loved them. Keep them coming! **

"Grey, you're late again." Bailey snapped. She was in the intern's locker room delegating jobs for the day when Meredith ran in the room.

"Sorry, won't happen again." she apologized opening her locker.

"How many times have I heard you say that?" Bailey asked hand on hip, one eyebrow raised.

"I don't keep count."

"Don't you be smart with me. Okay everyone, get to where you got to be!" Bailey barked. "Meredith, you're with Dr. Shepherd, and yes it's the male one, and yes you have to." she said cutting Meredith off seeing her open her mouth to protest.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Did you personally request me?" Meredith asked Derek as they came out of their patients room.

"Yes" he stated bluntly.

"Why?" she asked annoyed.

"Because I never get to see you anymore, you're always avoiding me. So, I figured if I requested you for surgery you couldn't avoid me." Derek said closing his patients chart, putting his pen in his coat pocket.

"You are unbelievable! You are seriously unbelievable." she spat.

"Why? Because I enjoy the company of the woman I love?" he asked seriously, staring into her eyes.

"Stop saying that. I told you we can't do this. And you're _married_ Derek. How could we possibly be together when you have a wife?"

"When you were in the coma from the car crash I told you some, _things_. Some very important things that I wanted to tell you for a long time. I also told you that I signed the divorce papers and that I just wanted one more chance with you."

"Derek.." Meredith started but he cut her off.

"Just hear me out Meredith. I know I hurt you and I regret it every time I see you or hear your laugh or when you snap those quick witted remarks my way. I know I can't take it all back but can I at least try to make it up to you?" he stroked his hand against her cheek and felt her lean into it before pulling away.

"Derek I've moved on. I'm with someone else now." she said quietly and then turned and walked away. Although, he knew better than to believe what she said was true. He knew she hadn't moved on. He knew when he felt her rub against his hand. He knew by the look in her eyes that he still had a chance.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So, he told you he loved you, again." Cristina said after Meredith had told everyone what happened earlier. Alex, Izzie, Cristina, George and Meredith were sitting at their usual table in the cafeteria.

"Yes" Meredith nodded.

"And he told you he signed the divorce papers." she continued.

"Yes." she nodded again.

"And you told him you were over him."

"Not exactly in those words, but, technically, yes."

"You are _so_ not over him." Izzy said smiling.

"I am too!" she snapped.

"You clearly still dig him." Alex added.

"_Dig_ him?" Cristina asked as everyone turned to look at Alex.

"What? I'm down with it. Don't dis the tempo."

"Do you have any idea what you just said?" Cristina asked again.

"Back to me! I'm in kind of a crisis here!" Meredith yelled waving her hands around frantically.

"If you're calling it a crisis, you obviously still have feelings for him no matter how much you try and deny it." Izzy stated.

"What about Jason? I have feelings for him." Meredith asked.

"You know what I think?" George said speaking for the first time since Meredith arrived. "I think you're being selfish. These guys care for you and you're hurting both of them by stringing them along. It would be easier for everyone if you just picked one and moved on." everyone looked from George to Meredith to see her reaction.

"You're right." she said quietly, "You're absolutely right."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So when can I come around tonight?" Jason asked Meredith as he caught up with her in the hallway.

"Um not tonight. Sorry, I'm working late and I really need some sleep." she replied hoping he would believe her. Derek was really starting to break her down and she decided it would be easier if she saw Jason less just figure some things out.

"That's okay. Listen, there's something I wanted to ask you." he said seriously.

"Ask away."

"Not like this. Let me take you out for dinner again. We can discuss it then."

"Is it important? Because I'm really busy at the moment, I might not have time."

"Are you trying to avoid me?" he asked turning her to face him.

"What? No. I'm just busy that's all." Meredith squeezed his hand reassuringly before walking off.

"Dr. Wells. Can I have a second?" Jason turned to see Derek standing in the doorway of the nearest room.

"Sure. What's on your mind Dr Shepherd?" Jason asked walking over.

"It's concerning the craniotomy patient, Mr Fox."

"Are you sure?"

"Excuse me?" Derek asked confused.

"Is that what this is really about?" Jason asked.

"Yes, it is. What else would it be about, Dr Wells?" Derek asked now getting impatient.

"Well I thought maybe you really wanted to talk to me about Meredith, not Mr Fox."

"What makes you think that?" Derek said now clearly annoyed.

"You don't need my help for a patient. You're Derek Shepherd."

"I don't completely understand where you're going." Derek said confused.

"Come on. You want to know what's going on between Mer and I."

"Uh, sure, you can tell me that _after_ I let you know Mr Fox's condition is getting worse and I'd like the help of another neurosurgeon because it's too much to handle by myself." Derek's temperature was rising at an alarming rate now.

"Uh, I'm sorry Dr Shepherd. Please, how can I help?" Jason said walking into the patients room with Derek.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"What a day." Izzy yawned changing out of her scrubs. "You know Jason's a nice change. George and I can finally sleep at night. McDreamy was _way_ louder than him." Izzy said to Meredith.

"Really? It doesn't surprise me. He looks looks like he could make any women moan easily." Cristina added teasing Meredith.

"You know what? I don't need to hear this." Meredith said temper flaring walking into the bathroom as Izzy and Cristina laughed. When Meredith entered she noticed an envelope on the floor with her name on it. She recognized the handwriting and slipped it into her jeans pocket not wanting to read it with Izzy and Cristina in the next room.


	16. the letter and the question

**A/N this letter was written before Derek told her about the divorce papers in the last chapter.**

_Meredith_

_I've figured the only way I can truly tell you how I feel is through a letter. I'm not taking the cowards way out, it's because you make it impossible for me to talk to you. Please don't rip this up before you read it. I was a foll to choose Addison over you. I guess I couldn't handle divorce. I've always looked up to my parents and they have a perfect marriage. That's what I wanted. I wanted what they have so I decided to stick with my marriage to see if I could fix it. The reason I'm telling you this is because I want you to understand why I made the mistake I did. I fell in love with you Meredith. I am still in love with you and no matter what that will never change. I love you in a really big, pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window way. I miss you._

_Love Derek_

Meredith sat on her bed clutching the letter to her chest letting her tears roll down her face.

_I've been holding on, _

_To a love gone wrong it's true,_

_For too long_

_The hurt it left inside_

_Has made me wanna hide too much and I do_

_I'm not afraid to be alone;_

_The truth is I'm alright_

_But something has been missing from my life._

So I'll meet you at the harbour at eight?" came the voice at the other end of the line.

"Sure." Meredith replied before hanging up the phone.

_Confide in me, tell your story_

_Are you terrified to fail?_

_It's your fear that makes you worthy_

_I am terrified to fail_

_Confide in me, tell me your story_

_Are you terrified to fail_

_It's your fear that makes you worthy_

"Hi." Meredith said to the figure on the bench looking over the harbour.

"Hi." he replied turning around.

"So, you want to talk?" she asked unsure if she wanted to.

"Not yet." he said motioning for her to sit next to him. She sat down and leaned into him as he draped an arm around her. They sat in silence for a long time just listening to each others' steady breathing, sharing their body warmth.

"I missed you." he whispered.

"I know." she smiled.

"Meredith?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes?"

"Do you love him?"

"Why?"

"Because I need to know."

"Isn't the only thing that matters is that I love you?"

"You love me?" he asked happily surprised.

"Yes Jason, I love you. I always have."

"There's something I want to ask you." he said pulling her up so she could look into his eyes.

"Okay." she said bracing herself.

"I'm leaving in a couple of days and I'd like you to come with me."

"What?" she asked caught off guard.

"Come back with me, Meredith. Back home where we used to live, together."

"It's all so sudden. I, uh, what about my job? What about my internship? I can't just get up and leave, I've worked so hard to get here." Meredith said trying to comprehend the possibility.

"You can finish it in Boston. You know you'll have far more opportunities if you complete your internship in Boston. Back at Massachusetts General, with me." he said hopefully.

"I need some time to think it over okay?"

"You're seriously going to consider it?" he asked thinking she would've just turned him down straight away.

"Yeah, I am. But that doesn't mean yes...or no. I just...give me some time okay?"

"I leave in a week."

"That's not a lot of time." she laughed nervously.

"I know, I'm sorry. Just think about it." He wrapped his arm around her once more and they sat there in silence, just being. Nothing else.

_We live in the shadows _

_And we had the chance and threw it away_

_And it's never gonna be the same_

_Cos the years are falling by like the rain_

_And it's never gonna be the same_

_'Till the life I knew comes to my house and says_

_Hello_

**I know it's a short one but I think it's better if I leave it there. More effect and all that jazz. Now a little fun – well if it's your type of fun – guess the songs and artists in my chapter. Note: one of the songs probably only Aussies will be able to get because I don't think everyone else has heard it apart from us. Will try to update soon. Love ya **

**janedoe99**


	17. cruel

"Morning Derek." Addison said as she met up with him in the hospital entrance.

"Morning Addison."

"So I was looking for notes on one of my patients this morning and I found something very interesting." she said raising an eyebrow.

"Really? Well I must say I'm _intrigued_ to know." Derek answered sarcastically going through his bag.

"I found the divorce papers Derek. Signed."

"What?" Derek asked quickly turning to her.

"I was wondering when you were planning on telling me that you ended our marriage." Addison was putting on a brave face but inside she was broken.

"Addison, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you when the time was right." Derek said, his face downcast.

"What time would that be Derek? Before or after you got back together with Meredith?" Addison asked upset, furiously wiping a tear from her face.

"Addison, Meredith doesn't want to have anything to do with me."

"Oh and so you think that justifies everything do you?" Addison said now an octave just below yelling.

"No, of course not Addison." Derek said putting his hand on her shoulder but she yanked it away.

"Just don't Derek. Don't touch me!" she said now totally losing control and letting all her feelings out that she'd bottled up for so long. She was through with putting on a brave face. She was through with her pride. None of it mattered anymore because the man she loved had torn her down.

"Addi, please." Derek pleaded trying to calm her down.

"Don't you _dare_ call me that." she whispered venomously.

"How about we go somewhere else and talk about this okay?" He asked looking at everyone who'd stopped what they were doing to watch them.

"Oh, so now you want to talk about it? No Derek I don't think we should go somewhere else. Why can't we just do it here? Hell, everybody already knows everything _else_ about us, why deprive them of this?" As soon as she said that everyone quickly focused their attention on something else.

"Addison calm down. You knew this was never going to work."

"You didn't even _try_ to make it work, Derek! You didn't even try." She dissolved into tears and Derek held her close to him.

"Come on Addi. You don't want to do this here. Let's go." he said turning them back to the entrance. She didn't refuse, she let him hold her because that's all she ever really wanted him to do.

_The flowers that you gave me_

_Are just about to die_

_When I think about what could've been_

_Makes me want to cry_

_The sweet words you whispered_

_Didn't mean a thing_

_I guess our song is over_

_As we begin to sing_

"You can't go Mer. What about us?" Izzie asked. Meredith had finished telling Izzie, Cristina and George about Jason's proposal. They'd finished their day at the hospital and had retreated back to Meredith's.

"I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, Iz."

"Think about it this way Izzie, one less intern in the program which means more surgeries for us." Cristina said.

"Cristina!" Meredith yelled slapping her.

"What? I'm just trying to make her feel better." Cristina said innocently.

"Well at least I know I won't be missed."

"Oh shut up Meredith. You know I'll miss you."

"Why are we talking about is as if she's decided to go? She hasn't said yes yet." George said trying to smother the hope in his voice as best he could. He knew she could never love him back but he didn't want her to walk out of his life.

"Exactly." Meredith said.

"Is Jason coming round tonight?" Izzie asked.

"No, he's busy tonight." Meredith said a little disappointed.

"Speaking about Jason, did you guys hear about the fight between McDreamy and Satan today?" Cristina asked grabbing a handful of popcorn.

"I think _everyone_ heard about it." Izzie said rolling her eyes. "What type of person doesn't even tell their wife they filed for divorce?"

"He _hasn't_ filed for divorce yet. He just signed the papers." Meredith retorted.

"Whatever, I still think it's cruel." Izzie said.

"No, _cruel_ is sleeping with your husbands best friend." Meredith snapped getting annoyed.

"Touché." Cristina said receiving a glare from Izzie. "So what video are we going to watch tonight?" she asked changing the subject. "My personal favourite is the skin grafting, brilliant."


	18. friends

"Morning Mer." Jason called catching up to her in one of the many hospital's hallways.

"Morning Jason." she smiled wrapping her arm around his waist.

"What are you doing for lunch today?" he asked placing his arm across her shoulder.

"Cafeteria, same as always."

"How about we meet for lunch then?" he asked grabbing her free hand.

"Sure." she smiled. "I have to go. I'll see you then." he kissed her hand before letting her get back to work.

"Did you schedule the OR Dr. Grey?" Derek asked joining her.

"Yes I did Dr. Shepherd."

"Excellent." he closed his chart and started to walk off.

"Derek." she called after him, he turned to look at her. "Are you okay? I heard about yesterday." she explained.

"Didn't everyone?" He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"If you wanted to, maybe, you'd like to talk about it later?" she offered.

"It's okay Meredith. You don't have to worry about me." and with that he walked away.

_I know that you've been thinking_

_I see it in your eyes_

_You're holding on to something_

_But still you don't know why_

_So walk by faith and not by what you see_

_Trust your heart and let yourself believe_

"Busy morning?" Jason asked a distracted Meredith over lunch.

"Huh? No, nothing happened this morning, nothing at all." Meredith answered speaking a little too quickly.

"I visited your mother again yesterday."

"You did? Did she remember you?" Meredith asked.

"Yes, she did. She kept on asking me when the wedding was." He said looking at Meredith..

"She did? Wow, she remembers you, that's, that's amazing." she said looking at Jason.

"She's looking good."

"I wouldn't know. I haven't seen her for a while." she said looking down. "Am I a terrible daughter Jason?" she asked looking back up at him.

He held her face in his hands over the table. "Of course not. You're just scared. It happens to the best of us." she smiled at him letting a tear escape. He wiped the tear away and kissed her lightly on the lips. "You don't need to be scared Meredith, I'm here for you." he whispered.

_You've got to hold me and tell me what you need_

_And don't be afraid of what you're feeling when_

_You know me then I'll never want to leave you just_

_Hold on to me_

_When we're apart I still feel together_

_I still believe in a thing called forever_

George stood outside Meredith's room trying to muster the courage to go in. he slowly opened the door to find Meredith sitting up on her bed going through a photo album. "Can we talk Meredith?" he asked.

"Sure George." she smiled moving the album aside.

"I just wanted to, um, to say that, uh...You know what? I've never been good at this sort of stuff." he sighed.

"I know." She answered with a friendly laugh. "Sit down." she patted the bed next to her.

"Okay." George started taking a deep breath. "I'm just going to say it because if I don't I'll probably never have the guts to do it again. Meredith, I wanted to tell you that you're an amazing woman, and I'm not sorry I told you how I felt about you because I'm glad you finally know. But I first and foremost want to be your friend. I hate how uncomfortable we've been towards each other these past few days and I wanted to know if maybe we could put them behind us. I don't want to have a ruined a beautiful friendship with you. I wondered if you are willing to accept my offer as friends. Not if you don't want to though, because I'd totally understand, I mean why would you really? I'm just me and you're, you're..."

"George." she laughed holding his hand. "You're mumbling."

"Sorry, I guess I'm just nervous an all and..."

"Of course I want to be your friend. I love you George, you're the best guy a girl could have as a friend."

"Oh, oh thank god." George puffed.

"Oh George." Meredith smiled at the nervous heap on her bed. "I want to show you something." she said grabbing her photo album and turning to the first page. "I found this in one of the boxes I'd packed away and I was just going through it. Do you want to go through it with me?"

"Sure." George smiled leaning in. they stayed up for hours looking at the photos and talking about everything and anything.

_Sometimes people come into your life_

_Like they're meant to be_

_And suddenly you've found me_

_Who sees the world like you see_

_And you laugh like crazy_

_At all the crazy things_

_That no one thinks are funny but you_

_That's when I knew_

_That I had a friend so true_

**hey just letting you know to look out for my new story The Past Will Always Haunt The Present. Please read it and review I'm not too sure how good it is so I need some feed back. Love Maddy – yes my name is Maddy**


	19. rainy day decisions

**I have writers block people! And I'm not even a writer go figure. I'm sorry if my recent stories are crap I'm having trouble coming up with everything in between. I know what I want to do but I can't fill the rest in. I'm sorry if this one's crap :(**

It was George, Cristina, Izzie and Meredith's day off so they decided to spend the day inside bumming around seeing as it was raining cats and dogs outside. They were all sitting in Meredith's living room trying to pass the time. "I spy with my little eye..."

"George _please_! You can only have so many games of I spy!" Izzie said, exasperated.

"Sorry. It's just, I'm bored!" he groaned leaning back pulling a cushion over his face. They could still hear him mumbling into the cushion but decided to ignore it.

"So have you put anymore thought into the whole 'moving to Boston' thing?" Izzie asked Meredith.

"I don't know if I should. I mean, it's such a big decision. I'd be moving my whole life for him."

"Addison did that for McDreamy and look where it got her." stated Cristina.

"Yeah but that's totally different." said Meredith, Cristina just shrugged.

"Uh, speaking of McDreamy, he gave me something to give you, but, I'm really sorry Mer, I can't find it anywhere." Izzie said apologetic.

"What was it?" Meredith was intrigued now.

"I think it was a letter. It was in an envelope and everything. I had it in my locker to give to you but I lost it."

"That's okay, I found it in the bathroom." Meredith said not thinking.

"You did? What'd it say?"

"Uh, nothing, nothing really important. You know, same old, same old." Meredith said trying to shrug it off.

"No I don't know. What _is_ the 'same old, same old'?" Cristina asked amused with her friend's reaction.

"I'd rather not talk about it okay?"

"Okay." Cristina said smiling.

"You think my life's funny, don't you?" Meredith snapped annoyed. "You enjoy watching me suffer, you do."

"I'm sorry." Cristina said trying to get herself together.

"You have to admit it's a bit gratifying." Izzie said.

"Gratifying?" Meredith asked completely incredulous.

"Well, I mean, oh come on Meredith, you've got two of the best neurosurgeons in America lusting after you."

"What, you think that's a good thing?"

"Well, yeah."

"You two are amazing. You are seriously amazing. I would gladly trade places with you."

"Be my guest." Izzie smiled outstretching her arms in game show assistant style. "My life is boring."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Jason! I've been looking everywhere for you." Meredith called out to Jason as he was walking to his car to head home from the hospital.

"You found me." he smiled.

"Do you want to grab a bite to eat or something?"

"Definitely, hop in." Jason said opening the passenger side door. As Meredith buckled herself in she turned on the radio.

_Standing in a queue of a school canteen_

_Guys on the corner they we're laughing at me_

_But I don't mind if they see it all_

_You know I gotta come clean_

_I gotta come clean_

_I got a crush on you_

Meredith laughed in spite of herself. "Do you like The Clash?" Jason asked pulling out.

"Oh no it's not that, it's...yes, yes I do." Meredith realized she was about to mention Derek and pulled up short.

"Are you okay?" Jason asked bemused.

"Yeah I'm fine. So, where're going?"

"Well miss Grey," Jason said putting on a posh accent. "you have the choice of the exquisite Dick's Drive-In, the impeccable Diggity Dog Hot Dogs and Sausages or, my personal favourite, Fatburger."

"Take me to the Diggity Dog, Mr Wells." Meredith said copying the accent before bursting out laughing.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith and Jason were enjoying a walk along the boardwalk by the harbour devouring triple scoop ice creams, reminiscing. "Remember Wally?" "Jason asked Meredith.

"Wally! Oh how could I forget! He was the cutest dog in the whole world." Meredith laughed.

"You had a big soft spot for him." Jason smiled remembering.

"Remember how he used to bury anything that wasn't nailed down?" Meredith laughed. Jason just smiled as he listened to Meredith's laughing and reminiscing about their old life back in Boston.

"I'll do it." Meredith said stopping to face Jason.

"What?" he asked clearly lost.

"I'll move back to Boston with you." Meredith said looking into his eyes. Jason picked her up and spun her around laughing.

"Are you sure?" he asked setting her down again.

"No. I've never been so unsure about anything in my life but I still want to." she smiled

"I love you." Jason said pulling her into a kiss.


	20. packing

Meredith was in her room finishing the last of her packing. She'd told Jason she'd move to Boston two days ago and had started packing the morning after. She'd broken the news to George and Izzie that night and they hadn't taken it all that well. Izzie was only talking to Meredith if it was necessary and George kept on telling her reasons why she should stay and why she shouldn't go. She was getting fed up with them. She wanted them to support her, this was a big thing she was doing. She'd told Cristina the next day at work, she seemed distant, like it didn't really seem to affect her. Meredith knew she would react this way, Cristina didn't show emotion, but she was still hurt. She hadn't told Derek yet however. She didn't know how to. She wasn't even sure if she should, it would make it so much easier if she didn't.

"Izzie! Where's my hair straightener?" Meredith called from the bathroom. She was frantic trying to remember if she'd forgotten anything.

Izzie walked in handing her the straightener. "Here." she turned around to leave but Meredith caught her arm.

"Please Izzie, talk to me."

"Why should I? You're totally abandoning us for what? Somebody you've _already_ abandoned?" Izzie spat.

"No. That's not true. I love him. And I never abandoned him and I'm not abandoning you either. I was never going to stay in Seattle forever. I have too many...bad memories here."

"You have good ones too." Izzie said quietly.

"I know." Meredith sighed. "Believe me, moving here for the internship was the best thing that ever happened to me, but it was also the worst."

"Tell me you're not going because of Shepherd."

"No I'm not. I'm going because of Jason. I'm going to start a new life and-"

"Forget about us." Izzie interrupted.

"No. I'll still come to visit, and I'll call you nearly everyday. Please Izzie, don't make this any harder than it's supposed to be."

"No, because you're just walking out of our lives and leaving George and I on our asses in the gutter!" Izzie yelled, blood pressure rising.

"No I'm not! How could you think that?" Meredith was now just as annoyed that Izzie felt this way.

"When you move what do you thinks going to happen to George and I? This is _your_ house Mer. George and I don't have anywhere to go."

"Izzie, I'm selling you the house." Meredith said amazed that Izzie thought she'd just kick them out.

"You-what?" Izzie said taken aback. "You're selling us the house?"

"Yes!"

"Seriously?" Izzie couldn't wipe the smile off her face.

"Seriously!" Meredith laughed.

"Oh my god, I love you Mer. Thank you so much!" Izzie said pulling Meredith into a bone crushing hug. "But this doesn't mean I'm not still upset you're leaving us." Izzie said holding her at arms length.

"Good to know." Meredith smiled.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Meredith, come in." Dr. Webber said as Meredith knocked on the jam of the open door to his office. "How can I help you?" he asked removing his glasses.

"Hi Dr. Webber. I just wanted to ask you if, um, if..." she tried. She couldn't think of how to explain to him she was leaving. He'd been like a father to her and she felt like she was throwing that away.

"It's okay Meredith, Jason told me you're going back with him. I rang up the hospital and I've had your internship successfully exchanged. You're free to go." Webber smiled.

"Oh thank you." Meredith said walking over and hugging him. Webber was at first disorientated at Meredith's unusual display of emotion towards him but quickly hugged her back. He missed hugging her. He used to when she was a girl but when she'd grown up she'd kept her distance. Someone cleared their throat and Richard and Meredith broke apart to see Derek standing at the door.

"I, uh, I better go." Meredith said looking at the floor. "Thank you Dr. Webber." she said walking out.


	21. saying goodbye

"Hey, Georgie buddy, can you give me a hand here?" Jason asked. They were putting Meredith's packed boxes into a moving van and Cristina and Jason had come to help.

"My name's George." George grumbled helping him lift a very heavy box.

"Oh sorry, are only the girls allowed to call you that?" Jason smiled a friendly smile.

"No, but it doesn't stop them." he mumbled causing Cristina, Izzie and Meredith to break out into laughter. "You know we wouldn't have to go to all this trouble if you just stayed here. I here that Boston's miserable in winter." George said trying once again to make her change her mind.

"It's miserable here too." Meredith laughed.

"Are these the last of them?" Cristina asked picking up one of the remaining boxes.

"Yeah, that's it." Meredith said taking a deep breath. She jumped as she felt arms encircle her waist from behind. She smiled as Jason softly hummed their favourite song in her ear.

_Like a ghost don't need a key_

_Your best friend I've come to be_

_Please don't think of getting up for me_

_You don't even need to speak_

_When I've been here for just one day_

_You'll already miss me if I go away_

_So close the blinds and shut the door_

_You won't need other friends anymore_

"You excited?" Jason asked placing his hand on her leg. They were driving to the airport getting ready to start their new life together. Meredith was going to leave behind the painful memories of her childhood and the most recent memory that hurt her the most, Derek.

"Yeah. It should be good." she nodded.

"Just good?"

"Great. It's going to be great." she smiled reassuringly at him. Although she still had a hollow filling in the pit of her stomach that wouldn't go away. "Is this...is what we're doing too fast?" she asked overcome by hesitation and anxiety.

"It's not like we just met. We've lived together before, very happily might I add." he said squeezing her leg affectionately.

"Your right, you're right. I'm just, nervous that's all. It's just nerves." she said more to herself than him.

"Do you love me?" he asked looking at her.

"Of course I do." she said a little confused.

"Than that's all that matters isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's all that matters." she trailed off.

_I haven't ever really found a place that I call home_

_I never stick around quite long enough to make it_

_I apologize that once again I'm not in love_

_But it's not as if I mind_

_That you're heart ain't exactly breaking_

_'Flight 202 Seattle to Boston now boarding.'_

"That's us." Meredith said to everyone. Izzie, George, Cristina and Alex had come to see them off.

"So this is it then, no turning back?" Cristina asked with a slight hint of hope.

"Nope. No turning back." Meredith nodded.

"Who am I kidding, I'm going to freaking miss you!" Cristina blurted out pulling Meredith into hug. "You know I hate this whole hugging and crying stuff." Cristina cried into her shoulder. "Look what you've done to me." she laughed between sobs.

"I'm going to miss you too." Meredith said crying as well as Cristina pulled away.

"Mer, I still can't believe you're going. I keep on thinking I'm going to wake up and this is all going to be a terrible dream." Izzie said tears streaming down her face. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

"You'll be fine Iz." Meredith said pulling her into a hug "You have George and Cristina here for you, and Alex." she added looking at Alex. He nodded to Meredith letting her know he'd be there for her. "George." she smiled at George as Izzie stepped away. "Come here." she said outstretching her arms. He hugged her for what seemed like an eternity before pulling away reluctantly.

"You know there's a storm coming in, maybe it's not safe to fly in this weather." George tried one last time.

"Thank you George I'm already scared of flying as it is." she laughed through tears.

"Nice try O'Malley." Alex smiled.

"And _you_." She laughed turning to Alex. "I'm actually going to miss you." she said.

"I knew you always had a soft spot for me." he said embracing her too.

"Well, I'll be seeing you." she smiled picking up her handbag.

"You forgot to say goodbye to me." Meredith turned to see Derek a couple of paces away with a slight hurt look on his face, creasing his brow.

"I did. It was...nice knowing you." she said awkwardly.

"That's it? After everything we've been through that's how you're going to say goodbye to me."

"I don't know what else to say." she said waving her hands.

"Say you'll stay." he said walking towards her.

"Why should I stay Derek?" she asked looking into his eyes. He didn't respond. "Listen," she sighed digging in her purse, "I got you something, I meant to give it to you but I didn't know how to." she said handing him a package wrapped in gold tissue paper. "It's The Clash." she said as he opened it to reveal a cd. "It's one of the early ones, I wasn't sure if you had it or not."

"I don't." he said smiling. "I got you something too." he said reaching into the pocket inside his jacket. He pulled out a blue velvet case and knelt before her.

"What's this." she said taking a step back.

"A reason for you to stay."


	22. proposal

"I know it's cliché but I can't live with out you. Meredith Grey," Derek said holding Meredith's hand as he knelt on one knee before her. "will you marry me?" he opened the case to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

"_Oh my god_." she gasped putting her hand to her mouth.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Jason yelled pulling Derek up by the collar to face him. "She chose me!"

"I can't let the women I love walk out of my life again." Derek said pulling out of Jason's grasp. Everyone was looking on in silent astonishment, Meredith unable to move.

"She doesn't love you, she loves me." Jason glared at Derek. "You can't just come in here and try to steal her away from me like that. You had your chance."

"Apparently you did too, but you got a second one. That's all I'm asking for," he said turning to Meredith, "Just give me another chance and I promise I'll never hurt you again. I _love_ you Meredith, I want you to be my wife." _Wham!_ Jason punched Derek with enough force to throw him to the ground. Derek got up and Jason punched him again, this time in the face sending him sprawling to the ground. Derek tried to get up holding his nose which was bleeding profusely.

"Oh my God! Get away from him!" Meredith ran to Derek to help him up as Jason attempted to punch him again. "What is _wrong_ with you!" she shrieked. Passers by had stopped to watch the display.

"Meredith, this man lied to you. He hurt you and you're sticking up for him?" he asked incredulously.

"At least he wouldn't break someone's nose!" she yelled holding Derek in her arms as she crouched next to him to support him. She had blood all over her but she didn't care.

"He has a wife!" he said pointing at him in disgust.

"_Had_ a wife Jason. _Had_ a wife."

"But you said you loved me. You don't love him anymore." Jason said.

"I never said I didn't love him. I do, I always have." she said looking at Derek smiling.

"You do?" Derek smiled back.

"But what about me? You told me you loved me." Jason asked now upset.

"I did Jason, but that was a long time ago. I thought I could learn to love you again, so I could move on, but I couldn't. I never stopped loving Derek, but I stopped loving you. I'm sorry."

"No, no you can't do this to me Meredith. We're _meant_ to be together. Please Mer, I love you." his eyes pleaded her but she ignored them.

"You wanted me to pack up my whole life to be with you. To leave my only friends, my _mother_, my job, the man I love for what? Another _crack_ at it? That's not enough for me Jason, I belong here, with Derek."

"So you'll marry me?" Derek asked.

"Yes, I'll marry you." she laughed looking at Derek's smile. The smile she missed so much. The smile that made his eyes twinkle. His beautiful, beautiful eyes. He stood up and picked Meredith up into his arms and kissed her passionately.

"Ouch." he laughed massaging his nose as they pulled apart.

"So this is your decision, this is who you choose?" Jason asked defeated.

"Yes, it is. Goodbye Jason." Meredith said looking at him.

"I just hope I can find someone who makes me as happy as he makes you."

"You will." she said walking up to him. "I promise." she smiled. She gave him one last hug and he whispered goodbye before heading off to board his plane.

"Are you telling me that I cried for nothing?" Cristina asked breaking the silence. Izzie George and Alex burst into fits of laughter as Derek and Meredith kissed again, this time long, slow and tender.

"Let's get you cleaned up Doctor Shepherd." Meredith said as they pulled apart.

"Mrs Meredith Shepherd, it has a nice ring to it." he smiled pulling her into another kiss.

_fin_


End file.
